RESEARCH_FILE
Nicole Abi-Esber
Harvard Business School
Known for:Research on the feedback gap — why people systematically underestimate how much others want candid feedback, and how this perception error drives widespread under-delivery of useful performance information
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“My old peers resent me now”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“Fair isn't cruel. Their discomfort with my role is real; their adjustment to it is theirs.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
In your next interaction with a former peer, give one piece of clear feedback or direction without softening language or extra explanation. Write down their reaction and yours. Notice if fairness actually breaks the relationship or just feels uncomfortable at first.
Key findings
- 2022
Across multiple experiments, Abi-Esber, Abel, Folke, and Gino found that people giving feedback significantly underestimated how much recipients wanted candid input — especially positive feedback — and overestimated how uncomfortable recipients would feel, creating a systematic bias toward silence. Why People Crave Feedback — and Why We're Afraid to Give It ↗