RESEARCH_FILE
Erica J. Boothby
Cornell University (at publication); later University of Pennsylvania
Known for:Documenting the liking gap — the systematic underestimate of how much conversation partners like us
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“They were just being polite”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“The gap between how much they liked the conversation and how much I think they liked it is predictably large.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
Write down the exact phrase they used and the details of what you both talked about. Read it back without the weeks of silence added. Notice what was actually said, separate from what you've decided it means now.
Key findings
- 2018
After conversations, people systematically underestimated how much their partners liked them and enjoyed their company — a gap driven partly by harsh self-judgment of their own conversational performance, present in short, medium and long conversations alike. The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think? ↗
- 2018
The gap wasn't just a first-impressions artifact: first-year students tracked across an academic year of living with a dormmate continued to underestimate how much that dormmate liked them for months. The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think? ↗
- 2021
With colleagues, she showed the liking gap extends beyond dyads: in small groups and engineering teams, members underestimated how much their teammates liked them, and larger gaps related to less willingness to speak openly and collaborate. The liking gap in groups and teams ↗