RESEARCH_FILE
Role regression
Role regression is the pull, described in family systems theory, to revert to an old established role — the peacemaker, the scapegoat, the baby of the family — the moment you re-enter the emotional field of your family of origin, regardless of who you've become since.
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“I'm already dreading Christmas dinner”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“The dinner is four hours long. I don’t have to pay for it in advance.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
Open a note or slip of paper and write one likely remark and one plain reply under it. Fold it or close the note and put it out of sight for tonight.
How it sounds in your head
Twenty years into a career where you run meetings and manage a team, you walk into your parents' kitchen for the holidays and within an hour you're being cut off mid-sentence by an older sibling exactly like you were at sixteen — and you find yourself falling silent exactly like you did at sixteen, too.