RESEARCH_FILE
In-Law Triangulation
Triangulation is being pulled — explicitly or implicitly — into 'picking a side' between two family members, most often a spouse and an in-law. Meta-analytic reviews of interparental conflict find triangulation is consistently associated with worse outcomes for the relationships on both sides of the triangle, not a neutral way of keeping the peace.
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“He has to pick a side”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“His time with his mother is not a loss on my side.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
On a piece of paper or in a notes app, draw two columns labeled ‘facts’ and ‘story.’ Add three facts from the last family contact to the first column, then stop there and fold the paper or close the note.
How it sounds in your head
The inner script: 'If I don't back my mother up on this, I'm betraying my own family.' The research reads the position itself as the problem: being cast as referee between spouse and in-law tends to strain both bonds, whichever side gets picked.
Sources: [1] ↗