“I'm competing with his mother”

When a call feels like a lossThe private myth is simple: every warm minute he spends with his mother is a minute taken from you, so you start keeping score. A call, a visit, a long lunch — each one can feel like evidence that you’re being edged out, not just included a little less. The scene is ordinary; the meaning you attach to it turns it into a contest.

Why it starts to feel so convincingThe trap is triangulation. When you pull him into the middle, the middle gets painful for everyone, especially for the person you’re trying to win. That’s why the aftertaste is so sharp: you ask for proof of loyalty, then notice the distance that the test itself created. The more you measure whose side he was on, the more you make his attention feel split.

A private test that doesn’t need a verdictTry this once in a notebook or on your phone notes: write the exact thought, then add two plain alternatives underneath — one about what his contact with his mother means, and one about what you actually need. Keep it under ten minutes. The point isn’t to prove the fear wrong forever; it’s to separate the scorekeeping from the request and see which one still feels useful.