The They Loved More Script

SURFACE BEHAVIOR

• You replay stories about the ex and rank their feelings against yours on an invented scale.
• A photo, a name, an old song — and you’re inside a comparison you didn’t choose to start.
• You’re not angry at your partner; you’re grieving a love you never had and can’t verify existed.

THE HIDDEN RULE

“Their relationship with the ex was deeper, more passionate, more real — and what I get is the quieter, safer version.” Buunk’s retroactive jealousy research shows this is threat-appraisal misfiring into the past: the brain scans historical data for danger and invents an emotional hierarchy it has no actual evidence for.

INSTALL MECHANISM

REPLACEMENT PROTOCOL

• I’m comparing my full self-knowledge against a story I invented about a stranger. That’s not information.
• What I actually have is current evidence: what they do, how they show up, what they say. I check that instead.
• If something feels off in how we’re connecting, I bring it into the room — not into a rumination loop about the past.