RESEARCH_FILE
Bram P. Buunk
University of Groningen
Known for:Evolutionary and social psychologist known for experimental research on mate preferences and jealousy, including studies showing that dependent children differentially reduce short-term versus long-term dating desirability
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“Nobody will want someone with children”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“Having kids screens out people looking for something else. That's selection, not rejection.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
Open your dating profile or draft message to someone you're talking to. Write down one sentence that names your kids directly—just the fact. Read it without editing or softening. Do not send it yet. Notice whether the sentence changes the actual truth of who you are.
Key findings
- 2002
Buunk and colleagues conducted experimental studies asking participants to rate the desirability of potential partners with and without dependent children for both short-term and long-term relationships. Having children substantially lowered short-term desirability — particularly for men evaluating women — but this effect was significantly attenuated or absent in long-term evaluations, where commitment signals and stability became primary selection criteria. Age and gender differences in mate selection criteria for various involvement levels ↗