RESEARCH_FILE
Friendship jealousy
Friendship jealousy is the negative emotion evoked when a third party threatens a valued friendship. In 11 studies with 2,918 participants, Krems and colleagues found it fires specifically at third-party threats (not mere lost time), scales with the friendship's value, is calibrated to cues of being replaced, and motivates 'friend guarding' — behavior aimed at keeping the friend.
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“They're closer to each other than to me”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“Two friends laughing is not my termination letter.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
Take 5 minutes and make a three-column note on paper: what I saw, what I assumed, what I actually know. End by circling one fact that does not mention replacement.
How it sounds in your head
The script says: 'I hate that my best friend has a new work friend — I must be a jealous, broken person.' The research says the alarm is standard equipment: it exists to flag possible replacement and prompt investment in the friendship. The functional move it points toward is showing up more, not spiraling or sabotaging the new person.