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RESEARCHERS

The Science of Ex-Fixation: Why the Comparison Contest Is Rigged Against You

4 the researchers behind it — "Retroactive jealousy" — getting stuck on a partner's past relationships or exes — isn't studied as a verdict on your current relationship. It's studi

Harvard University

Daniel M. Wegner

Known for:Thought-suppression research and ironic process theory — why trying not to think about something backfires

Key findings

  1. 1987

    In the original 'white bear' studies, people instructed to suppress a thought for five minutes experienced a stronger rebound of that thought afterward than people who were free to think it from the start. ↗

  2. 1994

    Ironic process theory proposes that mental control relies on a monitoring process that keeps searching for the unwanted thought — which paradoxically keeps that thought active and easy to access, especially when attention or willpower is taxed elsewhere. ↗

University of Groningen

Bram P. Buunk

Known for:Evolutionary and social psychologist known for experimental research on mate preferences and jealousy, including studies showing that dependent children differentially reduce short-term versus long-term dating desirability

Key findings

  1. 2002

    Buunk and colleagues conducted experimental studies asking participants to rate the desirability of potential partners with and without dependent children for both short-term and long-term relationships. Having children substantially lowered short-term desirability — particularly for men evaluating women — but this effect was significantly attenuated or absent in long-term evaluations, where commitment signals and stability became primary selection criteria. ↗

The Ohio State University

Jesse Fox

Known for:Research on relational uncertainty, attachment, and partner surveillance on social networking sites

Key findings

  1. 2014

    Relationship uncertainty, more than any confirmed partner behavior, predicted partner surveillance on Facebook; attachment anxiety was what drove that uncertainty upward in the first place, replicating and extending earlier attachment-and-surveillance findings. ↗

University of Sydney

Rebecca T. Pinkus

Known for:Research separating comparisons to a partner's ex from actual relationship satisfaction, tying the fixation to attachment anxiety instead

Key findings

  1. 2019

    With Hingorani, surveyed 259 people in relationships and found attachment anxiety predicted more frequent and more self-critical comparisons to a partner's ex or an ex's current partner — while relationship satisfaction showed no link to those comparisons. ↗

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