The Science of Losing Friends to Marriage and Kids: Why Circles Shrink on Schedule

TEST_YOURSELF · How well do you know this science?

1. 01 What is the 'dyadic withdrawal hypothesis' that Johnson and Leslie tested in 1982?

   That couples who withdraw from friends are heading for divorceThat as couples deepen commitment, their involvement in personal networks contractsThat single friends deliberately exclude their married friendsThat withdrawing from a partner strengthens outside friendships

   Johnson and Leslie (Social Psychology Quarterly, 1982) found support for dyadic withdrawal: moving from occasional dating toward marriage was associated with contracting involvement in personal networks — a structural pattern of pairing up, not a moral choice. source ↗

2. 02 According to the Wrzus meta-analysis (2013), what happens to friendship networks across adulthood?

   They stay stable in size for people who put in the effortThey grow as people accumulate friends over the yearsThey shrink steadily after peaking in young adulthoodThey shrink only for people who marry or have children

   Across 277 studies and 177,635 participants, the global network peaked in young adulthood and then declined steadily, with personal and friendship networks decreasing throughout adulthood — the shrinkage is the general life-course pattern, with life events like marriage shaping its timing. source ↗

3. 03 In the Dutch seven-year follow-up study, what fraction of people's close network members were still in the network seven years later?

   About 90% — close networks barely changeAbout 75% — only the periphery rotatesAbout 48% — roughly half the network turned overAbout 10% — almost everyone was replaced

   Mollenhorst's team re-interviewed 604 people seven years after the first wave: 48% of network members were still in the network, and only about 30% of confidants and practical helpers held the same position — while overall network size stayed roughly stable. source ↗

4. 04 According to Roberts and Dunbar's 18-month longitudinal study (2011), what does a friendship need in order not to decay?

   Strong feelings — emotional closeness protects the tie by itselfOngoing contact and shared activities — friendship is maintenance-dependentNothing — real friendships survive years of silence unchangedLiving in the same city — distance is the only thing that kills friendships

   Over 18 months, Roberts and Dunbar found that emotional closeness in friendships decayed when contact and shared activities lapsed, while kin relationships tolerated neglect — friendships, unlike family ties, depend on active maintenance to survive. source ↗

5. 05 In the 2014 Mollenhorst, Völker and Flap study, what was a major reason personal relationships discontinued over seven years?

   Accumulated conflicts and betrayalsGrowing personality differencesLack of meeting opportunities — the shared social contexts disappearedSocial media replacing face-to-face contact

   The study found that a major reason for relationship discontinuation was lack of meeting opportunities: relationships emerge from social contexts — work, school, clubs, neighborhoods — and when those contexts go away, the relationships they produced tend to end, without any falling-out. source ↗