“Every like, comment, and lingering glance is evidence I have to process before I can breathe.” Buunk’s threat-appraisal model shows jealousy fires when we perceive a rival might take what we value most. Anxious attachment (Hart & Legerstee) turns that fire into a 24/7 surveillance operation — the scanner never goes offline because it was built to protect the relationship, but it ends up corroding it instead.
WIPE_SCRIPTS
The Science of Romantic Jealousy: Why Your Brain Scans for Threats, and Why Ruminating Makes It Worse
14 scripts this research explains — "I'm not a jealous person — I just need to know" is one of the most common lies jealousy tells about itself. The researc
“They’re objectively better than me — smarter, funnier, more attractive — so it’s only a matter of time.” Aron’s self-expansion model explains why the stakes feel existential: when a relationship is central to who you are, a perceived rival isn’t just a threat to the bond — they’re a threat to your identity. The comparison is rigged from the start; you’re auditing yourself against an imagined ideal while ignoring your own weight in the relationship.
The Comparison Verdict
- That person is more attractive than me — I can see why they'd choose them
- I can't compete with someone like that
- They have everything I don't — of course my partner notices
- Their ex was clearly perfect for them and I'll never measure up
- Their coworker gets more of their time and energy than I do
- I'm not even their usual type — they must be settling
- Everyone in their friend group seems more interesting than me
“If I replay the scenario enough times, I’ll figure out what’s really going on.” Guerrero & Andersen (1998) drew a sharp line between the emotional flash of jealousy — which passes — and cognitive jealousy: elaborate mental movies built from minimal data. The cinema runs on a loop and each screening adds new details. It’s not analysis; it’s screenwriting. And the movie always ends the same way.