OLD SCRIPT DETECTED
“Their coworker gets more of their time and energy than I do”
Try this response:
“The version of them that comes home to me is still mine, tired or not.”SEE THE PRACTICE
Build a response for this thought—and one move to prove it.
THE THOUGHT
“Their coworker gets more of their time and energy than I do”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“The version of them that comes home to me is still mine, tired or not.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
Open your calendar or notes app and list every time in the last ten days you initiated time together, then count it against the zero you've been assuming.
The Tuesday Debrief That Never Comes Home
Keys Down, Phone Still Buzzing
Tuesday, 7:10 p.m. Your partner walks in still grinning at something on their phone — a voice memo from Priya about the coffee machine flooding the break room again. They set their bag down, laugh once more at a follow-up text, then flip the phone face-down before dinner. You watch that whole sequence from the counter and start doing the math: how much of their face did you just get, compared to what Priya got by 2 p.m.
The Friday Walk You Stopped Suggesting
You quietly stop proposing the Friday evening walk you used to plan every week. Instead you sit with your own phone, timing how fast they replied to Priya's last message versus how long yours sat on read. You pick a fight about the dishes instead of naming what's actually hollowing out your Tuesdays, and the evening drains away on something that was never really about dishes.
Your Own Ten-Day Ledger
Before assuming you get nothing, open your own calendar or notes app and list every time in the last ten days you actually initiated shared time — a text sent first, a dinner planned, a walk suggested. Count that against the zero you've been quietly rehearsing. The number is usually higher than the story you've been telling yourself at the counter.
TRACE · 01/04
How this script runs you
- You clock how fast they answer Priya's texts against how long yours sit on read.
- You've started grading evenings by whether you get the version of them left over after work, or the good one.
- You keep a private tally of whose story makes them laugh first, theirs or yours.
SOURCE_LOCATED · 02/04
The hidden rule underneath
The Comparison Verdict
If someone else gets the first, easiest laugh out of your partner's day, you assume whatever attention is left over for you is already a diminished, secondhand supply rather than its own separate account.
FORGING_REPLACEMENT · 03/04
Replacement lines (record these)
- The version of them that comes home to me is still mine, tired or not.
- Priya gets their workday energy. I get their evening. Those aren't the same account.
- I can ask for more time without first pretending none of it currently exists.
Generated per person in the app — these are the flavor, not your script. Yours is built from your exact words.
INSTALL · 04/04
The protocol, on one card
When I think
“Their coworker gets more of their time and energy than I do”
I say
“The version of them that comes home to me is still mine, tired or not.”
Then I do one thing
Open your calendar or notes app and list every time in the last ten days you initiated time together, then count it against the zero you've been assuming.
STATUS: READY_TO_INSTALL
Wipe this thought4 minutes. Your voice. Free.
The wipe protocol
- Write the thought exactly as it plays: "Their coworker gets more of their time and energy than I do". Word for word — the wipe targets the sentence, not the vibe.
- Trace the rule and the avoided action. What does this thought conveniently excuse you from doing?
- Record the replacement lines below in your own voice. Speak like you mean it — no recording, no install.
- Run the loop: play it every morning and night, log one proof action a day for 7 days.
Straight answers
What if my partner genuinely laughs harder at their coworker's jokes than at mine?
Laughing easily at a coworker's joke measures workplace rapport built over shared deadlines and inside references — it's a different kind of attention than the one they choose to spend on you in the evening, not a smaller version of it.
Does it matter that Priya sees them for eight hours and I only get the evening?
Hours logged at a desk together aren't the same currency as hours chosen after work. A coworker's time is scheduled by the job; the time your partner spends with you afterward is time they're picking, even on a tired night.
Should I ask my partner to cut back on time with this coworker?
That request assumes the two kinds of attention are competing for the same limited supply, which is the belief worth checking first. Tallying your own initiated time over the last ten days tells you more than asking them to spend less time at work.
Related old scripts
Related self-checks
Related science
Researchers to explore
Related mechanisms
The research behind this script
- Jealousy in Close Relationships — Buunk, B.P., Handbook of Personal Relationships, 1997
- Jealousy and Attachment in Infancy — Hart & Legerstee, Springer, 2010
- Jealousy and the Nature of Beliefs about Infidelity — Guerrero & Andersen, Communication Reports, 1998