RESEARCHERS

The Science of Sexless Relationships: Why Silence Compounds the Distance

3 the researchers behind it — "We used to be so connected" and "I don't want to make them feel pressured" are the two sentences that keep partners in a sexless relationship stuck.

University of Chicago

Edward O. Laumann

Known for:Lead investigator of the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS), the first large-scale probability sample of American sexual behavior, providing the foundational prevalence data for understanding how common sexually inactive relationships are

Key findings

1994
Laumann and colleagues conducted the NHSLS, surveying 3,432 Americans using probability sampling, establishing that approximately 15–20% of married couples had sex fewer than 10 times per year. The study also documented the wide natural variance in sexual frequency across the population, demonstrating that 'sexless' relationships are epidemiologically common rather than aberrant. ↗

Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine

Stephen B. Levine

Known for:Clinical researcher who developed the three-component model of sexual desire (drive, motivation, wish) and identified desire discrepancy as the most common sexual complaint in couples therapy — and documented that avoidance of naming it is itself a primary driver of relationship distance

Key findings

2003
Levine proposed that sexual desire comprises three distinct components — drive (biological/hormonal), motivation (psychological willingness), and wish (relational and cultural aspiration) — and showed that desire discrepancy can arise from differences in any single component, not just libido. His clinical documentation across 30+ years established desire discrepancy as the most prevalent presenting sexual complaint in couples work. ↗

Smith College

Emily Nagoski

Known for:Science communicator and researcher who synthesized the Dual Control Model for a general audience in Come As You Are (2015), reframing low desire as context-dependent rather than a fixed deficit, and distinguishing spontaneous from responsive desire to explain why waiting for spontaneous desire disadvantages many partners

Key findings

2015
In Come As You Are, Nagoski synthesized Janssen and Bancroft's Dual Control Model for a general audience, introducing the accelerator/brakes framework to explain how context — including stress, shame, relationship conflict, and body image concerns — activates sexual inhibition independently of attraction. She formalized the distinction between spontaneous desire (arising without prior stimulation) and responsive desire (emerging in response to context), arguing that both are normal and that cultural expectations of spontaneous desire pathologize responsive desire patterns. ↗

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