RESEARCH_FILE
Paul W. Eastwick
Northwestern University (at the time of these studies)
Known for:Showing that people mispredict both whom they will desire and how bad romantic loss will feel
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“Every rejection proves I'm unlovable”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“A no from one person is data about fit, not a diagnosis of my worth. I can hold both: they weren't interested *and* I'm still lovable.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
Write down the name of one person who has said yes to you—romantically, as a friend, as a family member—and one specific thing they did that showed they wanted you there. Read it once.
Key findings
- 2008
In a longitudinal study of students in relationships, those who broke up were substantially less distressed after the breakup than they themselves had forecast — people systematically overestimate the emotional impact of romantic loss. Mispredicting distress following romantic breakup: Revealing the time course of the affective forecasting error ↗
- 2008
In a speed-dating study, participants' stated ideal-partner preferences — measured before the event — failed to predict what actually inspired their desire when meeting real people face to face; the classic sex differences in stated preferences vanished in live attraction. Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Revisited: Do People Know What They Initially Desire in a Romantic Partner? ↗