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RESEARCHERS

The Science of Dating After Divorce with Kids: Desirability, Guilt, and Child Outcomes

3 the researchers behind it — 'Nobody will want me with kids' and 'I'd be a bad parent if I dated' are the two stories that keep divorced parents frozen. Research tells a more diff

University of Virginia

E. Mavis Hetherington

Known for:Pioneer of longitudinal divorce research whose Virginia Longitudinal Study tracked divorced families over two decades, establishing that parental conflict and instability — not divorce or parental dating per se — are the primary drivers of child adjustment problems

Key findings

  1. 2003

    Hetherington's review of her two-decade Virginia Longitudinal Study found that approximately 25% of children from divorced families experienced serious social, emotional, or psychological problems — compared with 10% from non-divorced families — but attributed these outcomes primarily to the level of parental conflict and economic disruption, not to divorce or parental dating itself. ↗

University of Groningen

Bram P. Buunk

Known for:Evolutionary and social psychologist known for experimental research on mate preferences and jealousy, including studies showing that dependent children differentially reduce short-term versus long-term dating desirability

Key findings

  1. 2002

    Buunk and colleagues conducted experimental studies asking participants to rate the desirability of potential partners with and without dependent children for both short-term and long-term relationships. Having children substantially lowered short-term desirability — particularly for men evaluating women — but this effect was significantly attenuated or absent in long-term evaluations, where commitment signals and stability became primary selection criteria. ↗

Pennsylvania State University

Valerie King

Known for:Family sociologist specializing in father-child relationships after family transitions, whose research demonstrated that father's dating behavior does not significantly affect child attachment security when consistent emotional availability is maintained

Key findings

  1. 2009

    King's study of father-child relationship quality after family transitions found that fathers who dated while maintaining consistent emotional availability and involvement showed no significant difference in children's attachment security compared with non-dating fathers, providing direct evidence that dating and parenting quality operate as independent variables rather than competing for the same emotional resources. ↗

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