RESEARCH_FILE
Karl Pillemer
Cornell University
Known for:Research linking perceived parental differential treatment to depressive symptoms in adult children at midlife
SEE THE PRACTICE
Turn a thought this research explains into one clear move.
THE THOUGHT
“Grandma treats my kids differently”
YOUR RECORDED RESPONSE
“My kids don’t need every grandparent to be equal. They need me to notice what is actually happening.”
ONE PRIVATE MOVE
Privately write down three concrete things you observed on the last visit — only visible facts, no conclusions — then stop after the third line and put the note away for later.
Key findings
- 2010
Adult children who perceived their mother as favoring a sibling, or as disfavoring themselves, reported more depressive symptoms in midlife — and the effect held for both the favored and the unfavored child, not only the child left out. Mothers' Differentiation and Depressive Symptoms Among Adult Children ↗
- 2018
Only about 15% of adult children in the study sample perceived that their mother treated all her children equally — differential treatment, whether favoring or disfavoring, was the norm rather than the exception in the families studied. Mothers' Differentiation and Depressive Symptoms Among Adult Children (summary coverage) ↗