The Science of Ex-Fixation: Why the Comparison Contest Is Rigged Against You

TEST_YOURSELF · How well do you know this science?

1. 01 In the 259-person study on attachment and ex-comparisons, what predicted how often someone compared themselves to a partner's ex?

   How attractive the ex wasAttachment anxiety, not relationship satisfactionHow long the past relationship lastedRelationship satisfaction, not attachment style

   Hingorani and Pinkus found attachment anxiety predicted more frequent, more negative comparisons to a partner's ex — while relationship satisfaction showed no relationship to the comparisons at all. source ↗

2. 02 What did Wegner's 'white bear' experiments find happens when you try hard to suppress an unwanted thought?

   It fades quickly and permanentlySuppression has no measurable effect either wayIt rebounds more intensely once the suppression effort stopsIt only rebounds in people with anxiety disorders

   Wegner, Schneider, Carter and White found suppressed thoughts came back with a stronger rebound afterward than thoughts people were free to express from the start — a general effect, not one limited to clinical populations. source ↗

3. 03 According to Broemer and Diehl's 'similarity stings' research, when does jealousy toward a rival peak?

   When the rival is clearly very different from youWhen the rival is similar to youWhen the rival is much olderJealousy intensity has no link to rival characteristics

   Broemer and Diehl found jealousy is greater when a rival is similar to the self, because similarity threatens the sense of being uniquely and positively distinct — not because the rival is objectively 'better'. source ↗

4. 04 In Frampton and Fox's interviews about social media and retroactive jealousy, what often happened when people checked an ex's profile for reassurance?

   It permanently resolved their doubtsIt had no effect on their feelingsNew information often deepened uncertainty and fueled more comparisonIt always improved trust in the current partner

   Participants used social media to seek reassurance about a partner's exes, but the new fragments of information they found frequently increased uncertainty and drove further monitoring rather than settling it. source ↗

5. 05 How does Schmitt's 1988 research frame romantic jealousy?

   As a fixed personality trait unrelated to contextAs a social-comparison outcome — how you stack up against a rival on traits that matter to youAs a purely biological, hormone-driven reflexAs proof of a moral failing in the jealous person

   Schmitt modeled romantic jealousy as arising from social comparison: the threat you feel is a function of how you measure up to a rival on dimensions you personally value, not an objective or moral judgment. source ↗