The Science of Trying to Conceive: Why the Grief, the Envy, and the Fights Aren't a Character Flaw

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1. 01 How did infertile women's psychological symptom scores compare with those of cancer, cardiac-rehab, and hypertension patients in Domar and colleagues' comparison study?

   Much lower — infertility barely registered as distressingStatistically equivalent to all three groupsHigher than all three, worse than any chronic illness measuredComparable only to hypertension patients, not cancer or cardiac rehab

   Domar's team found infertile women's SCL-90R scores statistically indistinguishable from cancer, cardiac-rehab, and hypertension patients — and higher than only chronic-pain and HIV-positive patients. source ↗

2. 02 According to Greil and colleagues' review of the infertility literature, how common is envy of other mothers among women experiencing infertility?

   Extremely rare, reported by almost no oneOne of the most commonly documented emotional themes in their own accountsReported exclusively by men, not womenOnly present in women who later became mothers

   The review documents envy of other mothers and jealousy of the fertile as recurring themes across multiple qualitative studies of women's own accounts of infertility — a common response, not a rare or shameful one. source ↗

3. 03 In Martins and colleagues' 12-month randomized trial, which intercourse-timing strategy protected couples from worsening depression symptoms and declining sexual wellbeing?

   Every-other-day sexFertile-window monitoringNone — depression worsened and sexual wellbeing declined across all groupsOnly the group given no instructions at all

   None of the three arms — every-other-day sex, fertile-window monitoring, or no instructions — protected wellbeing. Depression symptoms rose and female sexual functioning declined regardless of strategy. source ↗

4. 04 What did Peterson, Newton and Rosen find predicted worse marital adjustment and more depression in couples facing infertility?

   How distressed the woman was, regardless of her partnerHow distressed the man was, regardless of his partnerThe gap between partners' perceived stress levels, more than either partner's stress aloneHow long the couple had been trying to conceive

   Congruence — or its absence — mattered more than either partner's individual distress: couples with a wide gap between how stressed each partner felt reported worse marital adjustment and more depression. source ↗

5. 05 In the largest study comparing how men and women cope with infertility (Peterson and colleagues, 2006), what pattern emerged?

   No differences at all between men and womenWomen used more confrontive coping and support-seeking; men used more distancing and self-controlMen used more confrontive coping and support-seeking; women used more distancing and self-controlBoth used identical coping strategies, but at different intensities

   Across 1,026 patients, women showed proportionately more confrontive coping, responsibility-taking, and support-seeking, while men showed more distancing and self-control — a gendered pattern in style, not in how much either partner cared. source ↗