“I come with too much, ask for too much, and offer too little — no one is choosing someone with children.” Buunk et al. (2008) found having children reduces partner interest in short-term contexts, not long-term ones. The worst-case belief doesn't match the evidence — it matches the fear.
The Nobody Wants Script
- Nobody will want someone with children
- I come with too much baggage to be dateable
- They'll leave once they actually meet the kids
- Being divorced means I'm damaged goods
- They'll do the math on my kids' ages and lose interest
- Dating feels like running a covert op around custody weekends
- They'll swipe past the minivan in my photos
- I'm the discount version of who I was before the divorce